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From life as it
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our city skyline under the brilliant Sun.

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From life as it
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baby son, warren zhu, hope of China, talk to his mom in football game.

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From life as it
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baby in game.

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From life as it
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a bug on office window.


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more than a week since my last post. this week seemingly main busy with
larger sized games, like "front line: fuel of war", and warez's download. i
addict to warez, ie. pirate software, like 0day's release, has been a long
time. the warez help me a lot when i worked for my previous job, heading
design for a enterprise's cable TV branch. after left the job, i tried to
keep with the daily float of pirate warez, but finally got up, for too time
costing, as well as source of release in China mainly constrained within
forums, which i disliked gradually, in the process of my own identity grows,
till today's my web presence. u can google "benzrad" or "benzillar", my most
frequent namespace, and the result will show u my cyberspace activities. i
had told others many times, here i can again assert, Chinese like intimacy,
while western citizen more cherish independent open relation. in general,
Chinese have more dark view upon social relation, esp. the society, and
indeed they behave morally inferior. that's the reason of its culture's fall
in recent history. their native born belief turns darker and poorer than God
in Christian. they far less respectable than a civilian of the western.

in the beginning i felt anxious about my access to warez, but i felt the
open cyberspace should be the larger reality. and now i see the day. now i
quite enjoy web hosted warez, like rapidshare, upload, and lots among the
net disk, including demostic. i really glad to see my works in these years
rewarding, one reason based on its opening and independence, like my sites
and domain. i really proud of them.

this week i more times felt the leaving off my old family, and pending
status i beset now. i hope i can left my baby son, warren zhu, after he
takes elemental school, and sleeps on his own bed. these years, namely, has
been 4 years, his parents mainly holding him aside on bed in night, except
in 2006 when i lingered in the dormitory of QRRS, my once and long time
employer, a state-owned enterprise, just after i fired for divorce with my
baby's mother. i all time praying for a new life, for i think from the start
the family of my baby's mother is evils, and never fit for me, far less my
Royal in God's glory. my baby's mother let me leave my baby several days
after his birth, and the evils family, all left to be female, never enjoy
sun light and kept in dark from me, including its financial situation which
they likely close-mouthed most. in these years, i never gave up finding
myself a new life, a new home for my baby to let him enjoy which house he
likes to stay. i also felt i deserve a better routine life, esp. better food
and enjoyable life style.

these days i sometimes felt gloomy, esp when its indeed cloudy. i reviewed
sometimes my depressed love on beauty, on spiritual knowledge, i felt God
wouldn't let me equipped with such a subtle eyes and mind of beauty while
don't let me enjoy it and hold in constant reach. i believe God forges me
and my beloved, just a case of time in search.

these days i noticed a tall neaty girl walked alone the road of QRRS, my
once and long time employer, in its rush time. she likely a new employee of
the company. i like her temperament. she likely has a long legs, and slim
figure. my heart pumps more air and pray more deeper when i saw her each
time, and i at once connect her with my missing girl zhou, the love ignite
my web search and beginning of most of my cyberspace presence. i pray God
now let me reunite with my beloved, and shift my life span toward a new
landscape.

yes, that's it, i wouldn't leak more on it. only God know why i put my hope
in it. i live for my pray, for my hope, for my bliss from God, my dad.

dad's rage

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From long tail of hard landing ∑ hometown
journey<http://picasaweb.google.com/benzillar/longtailofhardlandinghometownjourney?feat=embedwebsite>
a
childhood pal, now hostile to me.

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From long tail of hard landing ∑ hometown
journey<http://picasaweb.google.com/benzillar/longtailofhardlandinghometownjourney?feat=embedwebsite>
befriended
villagers.

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From long tail of hard landing ∑ hometown
journey<http://picasaweb.google.com/benzillar/longtailofhardlandinghometownjourney?feat=embedwebsite>
my
childhood pal, once glass ball game champion.

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From long tail of hard landing ∑ hometown
journey<http://picasaweb.google.com/benzillar/longtailofhardlandinghometownjourney?feat=embedwebsite>
our
mountain, mostly hided by the evil dark house.

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From long tail of hard landing ∑ hometown
journey<http://picasaweb.google.com/benzillar/longtailofhardlandinghometownjourney?feat=embedwebsite>
benzrad,
me, in a pose, with a fly near my left eye brow.

it all started when i sang in front yard of my past dad, God's old house
against threaten of violence. my mother, now turns clear, a life time spy
and betrayal of my family, and dark witch chaser, evilly sat in the door
facing the evil dark house owner's room just in front of my dad's house. i
sang for my girls, but the profaning from my mother and the evil dark house
owner turns intensively challenged me. in the last fight, my mother gave up
and retreated to house. i sat there in the front yard in solitary. i felt
God never let me do anything i dislike, and more important, the pure glory
of my Royal forever untouchable. i reviewed my turning stronger missing for
my baby, and decided its time to reunite with my baby and his mother. so i
at once informed ema and our baby son about my decision in front yard in
sunset. ema in doubt as usual, suggesting me later to return. but my girls,
in holy message let me know its right to leave the evil land.

in the coming days i more and more see through the dark on my mother, and my
past dad's struggle with the nearby enemies of his Empire. i got clearly the
evils of the neighbors exerted on my old dad before his past by. my mother
never belong to my dad, she lived in her family name, Hu, the same of
current China's President. she lives lifetime in dark, in chase of her taste
of ugly things and dark witch. she ruined most of my dad's children, let
them abnormal, except my elder sister, my past eldest sister in her prime
time, my kid brother and me. my kid brother still in missing road toward
union with my dad, but this moment he is wrong. my mother don't love me,
too. she in fact only love herself. in my life she exerted lots of obstacles
just prevent my insight of her evils. she humiliated my family a lot with
her foolish and selfish behaviors.

the neighbors' evil also gradually turn clear to me. the most ugly that
needs action is the front and behind house owner, one is called Zhu
zhongcai,朱中才, the back neighbor, and the dark house owner, a former slave
before the new public. they spy my dad, God's life for decades, trying mimic
the holy spirit, just in aim to hurt my dad. the dark house owner is also a
freak, a rapist, with which my mother more and more turned into his victim.
Zhu zhongcai once was a elementary school teacher in the darkest period of
China under abnormal mao's influence. he claimed my name has problem and my
parents changed my name accordingly. now his grandsons all steal name space
from my family. for example, among the villagers, seldom has the mid name
like mine, 子(in English,son), but his 2 grandsons all adopt it from mine.
even worse, the second grandson steal one of my dad's name, 明, the second
Dynasty of Zhu's. they openly profaned the holy, and risk to see if we kill.

now its kill time. my mother died in lack of blood, or anemia. she shouldn't
bury with my dad, God. zhu zhongcai's family, including all his family, and
the family of his 2 brothers, die soon in their burning house. the dark
house owner, the evil still spying, dies in the ruin of his house and by
hits of flocks of falling stones, both in desert, let dog and flies and
mouse to lick. his offspring all died in the same way. their house all
vanished and our mountains of my dad stand again in front of us.

the another back neighbor, the elder son of my past uncle and his evil
family, esp. his fat and abnormal wife in family name zheng, die now. his
fat wife died in water prison, die of cold and dark. himself and his sons
and his larger family alive, die of infection of mad dog, or rabies. some
die of rotten blood, or sepsis.

its my order of kill. i m leaving the land evil prevails, and abnormal or
distort rampant. the land will be clear and clean after wiping ordered here,
and my dad's glory manifests clearer in the sky and in the air, on his land.
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From Family&folks ∑ hometown
journey<http://picasaweb.google.com/dabbog/familyfolkshometownjourney02?feat=embedwebsite>
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From Still lifes (3) ∑ hometown
journey<http://picasaweb.google.com/dabbog/stilllifes3hometownjourney?feat=embedwebsite>
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From Still lifes (3) ∑ hometown
journey<http://picasaweb.google.com/dabbog/stilllifes3hometownjourney?feat=embedwebsite>



http://www.facebook.com/v/220690770569
http://www.facebook.com/v/220711355569
http://www.facebook.com/v/220806255569
a thunderstorm in my hometown village.


yesterday i finally got all family facebook's vanity profile urls, after a
previous day's hot waiting and vain. it rained when i busy with getting
enough mobiles to pass the verification a new vanity url demands. in the
night i tried to join a chatroom to get more fans to my family pages in
exchange i become fans to more pages i never heard in the aim to pass the
limit facebook set to allow a page's vanity url. then my eldest brother
knocked our door and sent us 2 slices of water melon. i went to bed eariler
than usual, but a dream woke me up in mid night and stay me awoke almost all
night. i dreamed of a newly got well being guy suggesting travel countryside
with his car. then in a sex course woke me up i found the feeling of ema, my
baby son's mother, and my own, upon sex. i got view that faith in God is in
fact the longest and most passionate sex the faith owner can get. and his
gifted beloved blessed with the longest and most peaceful, the most
harmonious sex pleasures, the only lasting warmth in men&women's life. faith
grant believers the longest and lasting warmth fails age and
rigidity/mediocrity age brings. its started raining since then. how i love
the rain, which always remind me of the warmth of house, mutual cares in
homes when no other distractions but just gathering rain brings. i gradually
reviewed all my love with my girls, esp. Lü and Masheng, for who i most
looking forward to join me and care my life together. from girl Lü i started
to review the girl Jiangyue, a once student of ema and got ema's tutor
together with girl Lü at ema's house. i previously felt girl Jiangyue might
belongs to my baby son, for in the end of the tutuor and in a occasion baby
chosen her while i more satisfied by the competent girl Lü. no, i got wrong,
this moment i made clear, after the drizzle and a shit release in the mid of
this blogging, and worry about the security and frustrating of girl Jiangyue
upon my missing love to her. i made clear Jiangyue belongs to my Royal and
IS my wife. my God had and forever cares her, including her growth and
career's independence, as well as self-realization. i made clear my baby
son's uniting with girl(s) in family name "Jiang", can be quite late, all in
God's setting which forever the best. i made clear girl Jiangyue can join me
any time, and can live with my together from now on.
its a hard night for i can't sleep. i also reviewed the nighbor wives'
foolish admire toward me. none of them can partake my love, nor even my
warmth of faith. i belongs to the world, not the residents now in Zhudajiu,
my hometown village and my past dad's sovereign.my love for my beloved girls
never shake nor lapse. my love blesses all my girls with eternal and happy
life. my love brings them harmony of sex we never forget nor discontent.

its a nice week, for those i got from the cyberspace, except this morning.
in some flash message i worry about girl Jiangyue's falling to hopelessness,
but now i felt better. God constantly cares all my beloved, all girls can
join my life to share the faith for God, and my Royal to mandate the world
belongs to us.

ok, now time to bye. thanks God, Jiangyue, i never miss ur love again. i
took u now. follow me and join me as soon as u can. i love u.

it resumes to drizzle now, just when i prepared to wire to the net. God,
save me, save my all girls need me. forever and never seen glory to u!!!
  i cared her for several hours. seeing her liking flying, i let her out of my control. after seeing her parents approached her and fed her, i decided time to leave them alone. then i lost her address. 
these days i missing her very much. God, let her rejoin the warmth and love of her family, let her live happy and sound.